You know its been the most interesting journey the last four months or so, if anything God has shown me my weaknesses but also my strengths.

You see for the longest time, including lockdown I have been looking for love. In an ordinary world that does not sound difficult but for a divorced (12yrs) forty something year old Christian who does not believe in sex before marriage. It is nigh on impossible! So as all others do I resorted to dating apps and surprise surprise I actually had a fe coffee dates, a meal or two and enjoyed myself. However I quickly figured out that God had restored my self worth and that the men simply looking for sex were dismissed without thought. Those looking for relationship, but only with sex? Well., some became friends and some not so much. Those who were happy just being friends? Well, I had one or two around for dinner and it freaked me out. I realised my home is my haven and not only do I want the right partner, but he has to feel like home.

I have never in all my life wanted my space vacated as much or as quickly as when the wrong person came to visit. Well this may not be a happy ending story, it is one of victory! i now waking up praising God for showing me that I have grown and matured. I would honestly rather been alone and struggle with that reality for the rest of my days, than be with someone God didn't put in my path.

Stay true to yourself ladies and keep God at the centre you can't go wrong!  

I CHOOSE HAPPINESS!

Today I found myself saddened by yet another single friend in her forties confessing how she struggles at this time of the year , somehow we seem to think that we are isolated in our feelings , walking a lone path of disappointment , hurt and frustration and yet that is not the case at all.

There are so many women 'out there' hurting and yearning for a family or a loved one, how do you fight a battle you can't see?

Simple really , stand tall and put on your armour of Faith , trust in God's timing and declare that victory will indeed come!

Today I want to encourage you to walk away from your sorrows, and rather look to HOPE!

Are you alone on this journey , no!
I am right beside you walking the same path ...let's declare our victory together ...


Father God , today I thank you for all the good and abundant blessings in my life,
I ask that you would continue to guide me in all that I do daily,
Jesus I ask that you hear the desires of my heart which cries out for love
Lord I pray that you bless me with a husband and a family of my own
I pray that he be a 'man of God' in every way , that he will look beyond the external
and see the wonderful woman I am inside.
I pray that even when this seems inmpossible, you Lord can do the impossible!
And so I thank you Lord for lessons learnt yesterday , dreams shared today
and a future full of promise! Thank you Lord for my family to come.
In Jesus name.
Amen!

Life is a series of experiences , of learning , falling and picking yourself up again. I am turning 40 shortly and never have I been more aware than now of how fast life moves , how dreams can sometimes be changed by circumstance and by how with maturity comes the confidence to not be swayed by others opinions and insecurities.

What I have however come to realise is that life can be lonely... yes even in a room full of people , that Faith is what keeps you going , Hope is what drives you and depression ... that which can very easily drag you down.

This year I have really struggled to come to terms with my singleness , my loneliness for a life partner and my longing for a home. I have had to make a conscious decision to keep walking and not let depression try and take hold of me and consume me.

Don't get me wrong ... if life were measured in friends I consider myself a millionaire ... yet no one can fill that role of a mate , the closeness , the love , the looks across the room and yes, even the disagreements. Life of a singleton is a very lonely place ... even more so in a Christian society.

Modern society has added to this state of seperation, due to promiscuity and adultery friends can no longer be trusted and people tend to draw in the familiar  'like looking for like' in otherwords you will seldom find single friends at a family orientated gathering ... we are the percieved 'threat' often thought of as desperate ... yeah whatever!

So short of going to single friends who are all women anyway meeting Mr Right is left to God because heaven alone knows it is not easy.

'Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.' 
Psalm 55:22

I am trying my best to embrace the 40's after all I am reminded everyday that life supposedly starts at 40!


Today I lay my worries at the Lord's feet and once again ...