So here I sit once again , taken for a ride , used , abused and then treated like rubbish! Your words echo in my head 'trust me' , 'we are not like the others' , 'we stand for empowering people' and yet here we are ...

I am left with no finances , my cats sit without food , I have no petrol to visit my mom who is just out of hospital and you say you are doing things with 'honesty and integrity' really? and then you say 'so help me God'?

You don't even believe in God! You believe in a higher power or something like that ...

BUT!

I know my God , He see all, He hears all and He knows me by name. He has taught me that 'If God is for us NO MAN or WOMAN can stand against us' Romans 8 v31 and I know that once again he will restore me with beauty for ashes.

I forgive you and choose to purge this hurt and pain from my heart today , but I do not like you and I have now seen the truth behind the facade.

May God truly be with you because I sure know that He is indeed by my side ... I am a winner , I am more than a conqueror and I will go great places all on the foundation of my precious Lord & Saviour!

Despite what you have done and are doing I still choose ...

I thought I was over this Lord! I thought it was gone! ...

Nope it's still here and once again the wound has been scratched open....

Does the loneliness ever subside?
Will I ever feel like I fit in somewhere?
Will people ever embrace me as a single person instead of ostracising me for being alone and making my world even lonelier?

Do they even realise that just because I am busy , it does not mean that I feel loved , wanted?
Do they understand the yearning for love , a tender embrace , acceptance, physical contact , someone to walk beside me?
Yes God you are here and NO MAN can replace you, nor would I ever even wish that!

But the tenderness , the emotions that get stirred up when just for a fleeting moment the mind slips , the heart hopes and then the doubt ... the reality of still standing in THIS WORLD ( physical) alone.....will this desert ever end?

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.

Psalm 126:5

Oh Lord , this week I ask for your STRENGTH , for your PEACE , for your JOY and to be closer to you ... I need you now more than  ever .. I love you Lord!

Today it is a conscious decision ...