So I guess they say that life happens ... And boy it sure does!

My life has been the most incredible year filled with turmoil , revelation , sadness , happiness and everything in between. Whilst may have changed 180' I am still in the midt of sadness with my gran in hospital after having a stroke and I really wish our daddy in heaven would just take her home now, she is in so much pain and unable to speak ... It's pure torture!

My life this past year has been a journey of a disappointing promise , which led to the most amazing job which has me feeling excited and fulfilled everyday.

I hit the most debilitating depression about 4 months ago which has led to a personal health and weightloss journey and a shedding of some 22kg's so far.

I have started exercising and fit camp and I honestly feel more healthy than I have in a very long time.

My journey has been amazing but the one constant that has kept me going and focused is God , never forget how awesome and powerful our God is!

Gosh darnit , I had the best of intentions and then somehow life just happened. I am sorry I have been so scarce but it really has been less of me and learning learning and learning some more.

My dreadful year has continued and what I thought was my dream job turned out to be a disaster but hey I'm still standing and entering a new chapter in my life come August ...God is good!

One thing I have never lost sight of is God and I can honestly say 'JUST HAVE FAITH!' it is the hardest thing on the planet to walk in faith but let me tell you the last 3 months have taught me that money DOES NOT rule my life , I can survive and God blesses even in disaster!

Even though this is just a quick check in to say , I want to trust God to deposit Romans 8 v 31 into each and everyone of your hearts and may you all be blessed.

I realised when chatting to a friend this week how fleeting life can be , one minute sweet and serene and the next minute the big 'C'.

As a Christian I think it can be even more of a challenge because in your head you become angry , question why and go through a tormenting amount of hurt , disappointment and disillusionment in both life and Faith.

I cannot honestly comment on this as I personally have never had to face the reality of being diagnosed , I can only imagine how hard it must be and so I find myself constantly thinking of my friend ... praying for and trusting God to her to full health.

I know I have been quite absent of late and for that I apologise, I will make a concerted effort to continue to be here at least once a week.

In the meantime if I can ask you to rally around and say a little prayer for my friend B and also pray for all the women in the world facing the challenges presented by cancer. Please pray for strength for their families and for their Faith to hold strong.

Take care precious friends until next time.

I thought I was over this Lord! I thought it was gone! ...

Nope it's still here and once again the wound has been scratched open....

Does the loneliness ever subside?
Will I ever feel like I fit in somewhere?
Will people ever embrace me as a single person instead of ostracising me for being alone and making my world even lonelier?

Do they even realise that just because I am busy , it does not mean that I feel loved , wanted?
Do they understand the yearning for love , a tender embrace , acceptance, physical contact , someone to walk beside me?
Yes God you are here and NO MAN can replace you, nor would I ever even wish that!

But the tenderness , the emotions that get stirred up when just for a fleeting moment the mind slips , the heart hopes and then the doubt ... the reality of still standing in THIS WORLD ( physical) alone.....will this desert ever end?

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.

Psalm 126:5

Oh Lord , this week I ask for your STRENGTH , for your PEACE , for your JOY and to be closer to you ... I need you now more than  ever .. I love you Lord!

Today it is a conscious decision ...

It's happening ... I am getting older and moving into a new phase of my life the 40's!

This has been quite an adjustment to get my mind around , not because it is a milestone birthday ... but rather because my life is not where I had dreamt and imagined it would be.

I am not someone who get overly sentimental about milestone birthday's , but I do love a party and will usually take any occassion to be able to organise a get together .... but not this year!
I have been wrestling with hurt , disappointment , disillusionment , anger , frustration ..impatience and so much more!

You see, all I ever desired and dreamt of was ... having a family and a white picket fence. Coming from a broken home and being an only child life left me a little battered and bruised and so I always turned to this dream  as a source of comfort (that the loneliness of childhood would be displaced)

... enter reality!

I am divorced after being deserted and abandoned , I have no kids , I don't own a home , my car well it's more broken than functional and well life is just tough!
The hardest part is the yearning and longing for a life partner , the laughs , the smiles , the hugs ... the looks across a crowded room ... I miss these and my heart aches for it.

These feelings have resulted in a bout of depression and a lack of desire for any kind of celebration ...

All these have left me wrestling my emotions and clinging to God.

Today is the first day in a few months where I feel the cloud has lifted slightly , that I can actually try and move forward again. My friends have been amazing and I love each and every one.

My mom I know has planned a party and I am looking forward to it this weekend , I am just trusting God to give me peace , remove the tears and fill my heart with joy again.

I thought I would share two of my favourite verses with you that I turn to in tough times ...

BEAUTY FOR ASHES
'and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.' NIV - Isaiah 61:3

JOY IN THE MORNING
' For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.' NIV - Psalm 30:5

So there you have them , I am choosing to move forward and embrace my future and trust that God has someone special out there for me ... here's to turning 40!

 

I have recently been a little quiet , not because of a lack of inspiration but rather because a brief bout of illness ( yep that dreaded flu).

I am well on the road to recovery and happy to once again be out and about , experiencing the joy of the crisp fresh air and the gorgeous mulitcoloured sunrises that our Abba Father paints in the sky every morning.

After finally surfacing from this heavy fog of stuffy noses , dulled senses and a total lack of taste ... it really got me reflecting on how we take so much for granted in our daily lives.

We all complain about the 'daily grind', of repeatedly going through the motions for example ... family , work , family , sleep and starting all over again. Yet when one of these daily repetitions get interupted, or heaven forbid removed ... how much do we not then suddenly appreciate the monotony of the 'daily grind'? 

Today I just want to remind you to stop , smell the fresh crisp air , feel the sun on your face , have a cup of tea and savour the taste and smell .... that is life in HD (High Definition) ... a gift from God, one that we should be thankful for everyday.

Just imagine what life is like for those who can't breathe natural air , those who don't have the freedom of standing in the sun without being persecuted ... or for those whom have never tasted a sweet cup of tea ....it is a reality for many that few of us like to think about.

Can I ask you to join me in paying it forward by looking around, taking the time to see those that are around you. Look for people in need and where you can ... buy a cup of tea or a plate of food , share a hug , a laugh or a smile and bless those who are less fortunate than you.

Matthew 5:16New International Version (NIV)

 ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

 

Let be God's army.... clothed in thankfulness, with a quiver full of love and faith to share...

 

So it's the morning after my disaster and I have had time to lick my wounds , get over the shock of being car-less for the moment and now to trust the Lord in helping to find resources to fix my car and in the meantime get through each and every new day.

Life is full of setbacks , yet often these are set up's for something new and better ...if we just stand in faith. The word that has become so apparent to me of late echoed in services , messages and even daily devotionals is that I can do nothing in my own strength! All that we need every day is to hand over all to God and trust that he will work out all for the good according to His plans and purposes and in His strength!


So today in this adventure I call life I am choosing joy and happiness , I am choosing to look forward and not back , I am choosing life and not death and I am choosing GOD!

5Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.… Proverbs 3 v5-6 (NIV)

It's amazing that I somehow always seem to land up on the road less traveled.

I have this knack of being rather naive when it comes to expectations of people, despite many hardships I still seem to always want to see the good in everyone.

For some this is seen as a fatal flaw .....for me I hope I never see the world as an evil, nasty place or become embittered by life and the hand it's dealt... {in which I did have choices too I might add}!

The past few days have been a bittersweet struggle for me in that I have been accused wrongfully 'another person' and had my personal identity picked apart, by someone who does not even know me ...

My first response was to hide , lick my wounds and give up ...but God's warrior woman in me came surging through...
' you are a Princess , daughter of the most high God , you are loved , your are perfect and you are well able!'

So today I choose to start a new journey and a new venture spurred on by the sequence of events, not excluding the hurtful actions of this 'other person'.
It is going to be an actual recorded journey of which I know will be a huge success and so one day this 'other persons' negative response will be a huge success and attributed to the glory of God!

If I can give you one bit of advice today it would be ...

ALWAYS FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT AND KNOW THAT GOD HAS EQUIPPED YOU WITH ALL YOU NEED ...............JUST ASK!