So here I sit once again , taken for a ride , used , abused and then treated like rubbish! Your words echo in my head 'trust me' , 'we are not like the others' , 'we stand for empowering people' and yet here we are ...

I am left with no finances , my cats sit without food , I have no petrol to visit my mom who is just out of hospital and you say you are doing things with 'honesty and integrity' really? and then you say 'so help me God'?

You don't even believe in God! You believe in a higher power or something like that ...

BUT!

I know my God , He see all, He hears all and He knows me by name. He has taught me that 'If God is for us NO MAN or WOMAN can stand against us' Romans 8 v31 and I know that once again he will restore me with beauty for ashes.

I forgive you and choose to purge this hurt and pain from my heart today , but I do not like you and I have now seen the truth behind the facade.

May God truly be with you because I sure know that He is indeed by my side ... I am a winner , I am more than a conqueror and I will go great places all on the foundation of my precious Lord & Saviour!

Despite what you have done and are doing I still choose ...

Isn't it funny that no matter how hard I try not to measure myself against others, or compare my achievements to that of peers ... I still have to fight to let it go.

Today my day started off well , my spirits soaring to new heights ...that was until I saw that I have not been included in a 'select few' party .... oh the heavy heart ... and then the anger at myself!

Why do I do it , yes I work hard and yes I love it , yes I am spoilt and yes I am good enough! So why do I have to continually lecture myself in my mind and re-adjust my heart ... it's so flippin frustrating to be a simple soul of 'flesh' , when all I want is to a shining glorious person of 'spirit'.

Why do we feel as though we all need to 'measure up' are we so caught up in making the grade? I personally am unique in every way , I refuse to be 'made to measure' ...why not have a world of clones otherwise?

I think what hurts the most is that often people abuse 'nice people', it's almost like they have homing signals ....oh goodness does it test one's personal identity.

But I am a warrior of the Lord most high and I declare today, that He will bring the right people across my path. God has a future and a plan for me ...so satan you can tempt me or try and hurt me as much as possible ... it will never last because Jesus has conquered all on the cross!

Today I pray that you too set aside hurt , rejection and despair and that you too will declare victory in your life. God can do amazing things in our life, if we just silence the voice of satan and DECLARE VICTORY in all that we do... in the name of the Lord.

Stand with me as  ...

Beauty has always been a word far removed from anything that includes me .... or so I thought!

Being a 'plus sized' girl in a skinny world really doesn't make for happy beginnings, being taunted as a child by kids who really don't understand the implications of what they are doing is actually immensely sad!

This kind of trauma can ruin a child's world and create such an abstract and untrue self image for the person being taunted.You see previously when we were children this is called 'just playing', however as adults it is now called 'bullying'. Today I stand here  pleased that the world has now taken a strong stance on school and playground bullying ...it makes my heart soar that someone is protecting these little people.

You see I was the chubby girl on the playground ... the one they all called 'the human hippo' ... I was only about 7kg overweight then .... and devastated... for the next 30+ years.

It was only at the age of 35years that I came to accept the Lord in my life, I began to realize that my personal identity lies in Christ , I am beautiful and a precious Princess...His 'beloved'...It was at this point that I was faced with a challenge that I never could have imagined....a process of forgiving my tormentors.

You see in the past my tormentors were small 9 year old kids, they continued to torment me until we were all about 15 years old ... they were monsters in school uniforms, flinging about verbal abuse and speaking lies over my life .... but now they are adults, they have kids and irony is that they are now the ones promoting 'anti-bullying campaigns' at their kids schools.

Do they remember .... not likely! Do I remember ... YES! Like it was yesterday!

Many of these people requested to befriend me on Facebook and for the first time I realized I had to 'let go' ...'forgive', and move forward, leaving the past and those lies where they belonged. I have worked through these feelings and forgiven my peers and God has brought me such freedom from my past. Yes the devil taunts me every now and then, I have moments of weakness when the doubt creeps in again, it is in these times that I stand and declare the Lord's promises over my life ...banishing hurtful words and doubts.

I am here today to encourage you that no one has the right to bully you or declare lies over your life or call you anything other than 'perfect and formed in God's image'.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Time is such a crazy commodity if you really think about it ...

We can trade time for opportunity ...we can chase time when we are late ....we can loose time we we cross the ocean ...we can make time for friends and family, and yet really it is an ever elusive, intangible 'thing'.

We can never turn back time or regain time, and so really to me it has become evident more and more each year how important it is to 'take time', to consciously appreciate the good in each and every day.

As I have progressed in age, I have come to realize how precious time is. My parents are getting older and more frail, so each day is a gift from above. I am lucky enough to still have a grandparent (92yrs), a blessing I would never have imagined.

Yet sometimes I still feel as though time has robbed me of a life I always yearned for and dreamed of as a little girl. Where is my husband? My children? My house with the white picket fence? ......

You see we make mistakes , we pick ourselves up and we continue ....but time marches on, and not necessarily to our beat.

My heart gets sore at times thinking of all the missed opportunities , the people who have used and taken advantage of me .... I am tempted at times to assign blame, and to stamp my foot in petulence infuriated at life , circumstances, people, the list goes on and on ....
But in all honesty I made the choices that determined my future, and so I have to accept my role in the current positioning of the 'here and now' ....do I like it? NO!

What I have come to realise though, is that God takes all negatives and turns them into a positives. Today I may not see what the future holds...it may not even make sense to me, yet I must stand in Faith and wait, knowing that my God is a good God. He loves me and will never 'abandon' me.
He knows the desires of my heart. My life may not be happening as I had dreamed but it is happening according to His plan and purpose and whats more.... His timing is always perfect.

Today I encourage you to stop trying to reign in the intangible 'sands of time', and just let go....

HAVE  FAITH