Today I feel so blessed after a fabulous weekend of celebrating my 40th Birthday , I have such precious friends with generous hearts and spirits.
I have also come to realise after this weekend that no matter the 'weather in your head' .. in other words if the world looks sunny or you are going through a dark and moody patch ... just let the love shine through and all will be fine.

With turning 40yrs I have had to deal with putting some of my hopes and dreams to bed , letting go of that which is no longer possible , making peace with it and leaving it in the past.
This sounds easy but let me assure you that when your biggest dreams and hopes have not yet realised and bilogically are no longer possible , there are a lot of hurts , tears and anger that bubbles to the surface.

Today I sit here far more at peace , is the hurt gone ..no! are the tears still around ..yes! BUT the anger has subsided and I am once again moving forward looking to the future and leaving all that has not happened in the PAST!

This week I am creating a brand new vision board for myself ... a future and a hope to look forward too. I love this verse and I know it is super popular and aonce again it is my 'go to' today ...

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29 v 11


Have a super day and let's leave the past where it belongs ...

 

It's happening ... I am getting older and moving into a new phase of my life the 40's!

This has been quite an adjustment to get my mind around , not because it is a milestone birthday ... but rather because my life is not where I had dreamt and imagined it would be.

I am not someone who get overly sentimental about milestone birthday's , but I do love a party and will usually take any occassion to be able to organise a get together .... but not this year!
I have been wrestling with hurt , disappointment , disillusionment , anger , frustration ..impatience and so much more!

You see, all I ever desired and dreamt of was ... having a family and a white picket fence. Coming from a broken home and being an only child life left me a little battered and bruised and so I always turned to this dream  as a source of comfort (that the loneliness of childhood would be displaced)

... enter reality!

I am divorced after being deserted and abandoned , I have no kids , I don't own a home , my car well it's more broken than functional and well life is just tough!
The hardest part is the yearning and longing for a life partner , the laughs , the smiles , the hugs ... the looks across a crowded room ... I miss these and my heart aches for it.

These feelings have resulted in a bout of depression and a lack of desire for any kind of celebration ...

All these have left me wrestling my emotions and clinging to God.

Today is the first day in a few months where I feel the cloud has lifted slightly , that I can actually try and move forward again. My friends have been amazing and I love each and every one.

My mom I know has planned a party and I am looking forward to it this weekend , I am just trusting God to give me peace , remove the tears and fill my heart with joy again.

I thought I would share two of my favourite verses with you that I turn to in tough times ...

BEAUTY FOR ASHES
'and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.' NIV - Isaiah 61:3

JOY IN THE MORNING
' For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.' NIV - Psalm 30:5

So there you have them , I am choosing to move forward and embrace my future and trust that God has someone special out there for me ... here's to turning 40!

 

This year has been a particularly hard year for me , the challenges have been never ending and my transportation a major setback, yet I look back and I am amazed at how far I have come ... mainly thanks to those who support me and help me everyday.

This support .... can be as small as 'a word of encouragement' or as amazing as 'a friend fixing your car' , 'helping you when you are stranded' or just 'constantly being your rock'.

No matter what your journey we can learn from each other and one thing I am learning from my journey is...

To expect the unexpected!

When I was stranded at the roadside, in the dark at 9.45pm, in an unsavoury neighbourhood. God sent me two angels to keep me safe in the form of man.
When it seemed like there was no way to get home , God sent men who were equipped practically that could problem solve and make a plan.

I want to encourage you today , when it seems like the road is lonely, that you are on a higway to 'nowhere' hold your head high , keep talking to God ... believe and look for His hand in all that comes across your path.

I cannot explain the gratitude I have for my friends who loan me their husbands in the middle of the night , to come and help me as a single woman stranded. I am truly blessed ... and loved beyond any understanding.
I am humbled by the kindness of friends and their husbands who go out of their way to fill a gap, one of which I am so aware and that is often like an open wound tearing at my heart and soul.

Thank you Lord! 
Today and everyday I promise to remember
that You alone are all that I need.
You will send the right people across my path
at the right time.
You have blessed me and humbled me and
once again.
I want to thank you for friends!
I pray that you bless these friends and their families,
that they may experience the joy , humility
and thankfulness that you have placed in my heart.
May my eyes and my heart always look to you first!
In Jesus name
x Amen

Firstly I have to say thank you today to those of you that read my blog regularly , without knowing it you are a silent listener... which means that you give me safe place to share my thoughts and feelings ... it helps , it really does..... THANK YOU!

Today I just want to share once again how God's heart is for us to forgive ALL , yes ALL .. everyones weaknesses .. this doesn't mean you have to agree with the circumstances. To hold bitterness inside causes your heart and your Spirit to fester and become ill ... It is not what God wants for you!

'21Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.' MATTHEW 18 V 21-22 - SOURCE 

God has this to share about bitterness in the Bible ...
'Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.' Ephesians 4:31-32 - (ESV) - SOURCE

 I am saddened when friends can't find forgiveness in their heart , when Satan robs their joy and they try to project , influence and infect others. I refuse to be drawn or dragged into their discontent.

My God is a God who conquers all , who loves equally and selflessly , who operates and rules under grace NOT judgement and condemnation ... no, I will not be swayed.

Today I am going to pray for the friends whose heart is hurting and for God to give me strength in adversity , He is my rock and my Fortress always!

Dear Lord
Please forgive those who cannot find forgiveness in their heart
Lord soften their hearts to be one of kindness and love
lift all signs of bitterness and resentment Lord
and replace it Jesus with Love , Forgiveness and Understanding.
Lord let us look more like you everday and live less in the 'flesh'
I pray that you would guide us all , give us strength for each day
fill us with light and happiness.
In your precious name Jesus
Amen x 

This week has not been without difficulty and despite everything I can quite triumphantly say ... God is great and He will conquer all. I am at peace believing no matter what the future holds , it will be what God has in store for me and not what I would try to fashion myself.

However in this week I have come to realize just how important friends are, not only do they lift you up when you need it most ... They are also your support group.

I have never been as blessed as I am at this point in my life. Despite being a single I am far from alone, I have such an amazing bunch of friends. When a crisis calls they drop everything and come to my rescue....

So today I am just reminding you to thank God for your friends , count your blessings and celebrate your victories with the right people.

God made us to live in community and love each other ... Phone a friend , tell him/ her that you love them and that life without them could never be the same.

Thank you to each everyone of my friends , may The Lord bless you always and keep you safe.